Nice, generous, whatever

Everyone should grow up with an older brother. Because, you know, how else would you be able to play games with the same person everyday and somehow ALWAYS LOSE (even if you really did win)? Or let yourself be persuaded to trade your beloved sparkly, shiny puppy sticker for some other ridiculous, ordinary sticker of his and then when you regret it as soon as the trade is over, be informed that it’s now TOO LATE? How else could you discover that there is an alarm clock that’s set to go off every day at 4 p.m. hidden so well in your room that you never find it, even after 20 years? Or surrender your stuffed animals to an evil existence so that his stuffed animals could always be the good guys? So fun.

Of course, the fun times do go away after a while. Because one morning, you will wake up and have a brother who wants to be your friend. Who comes home from college and is sad because you are going out with your friends instead of spending every second with the one you’ve learned to trust as much as you trust a rattlesnake. And instead of buying one for himself, he gives you the newly unveiled Palm III for your college graduation and doesn’t throw up when you open it and can't figure out what it is. This is when you can expect that he will just keep getting nicer and nicer until you can hardly remember the innocent look plastered on his face right after he quietly pushed your DOING THIS WILL MAKE ME WANT TO PULL ALL OF MY HAIR OUT button.

Fortunately, you can always look back on the good times. Because you will never forget how a hidden alarm made you question your own sanity every day at 4 p.m. Or the way he used a sparkly, shiny puppy sticker to help you play an astonishingly good hand in the game of Mean Girl Sneaky Manipulations in high school. And sometimes, somewhere underneath that nice, generous grown man that everyone adores, you can still catch a glimpse of that manipulative, big brother that could outsmart you every time.

And you can breathe a big sigh of relief.

Yet more proof that my going back to school is like giving myself a root canal with a spoon

Final critique over.
Semester done.





Stress and panic about the spring semester already started.

The pink at the end of the tunnel

Things I will do (in this order) the minute Final Critique for my portfolio class is over:

1. High five my art director
2. Try to forget that I have a stats final at the community college the next morning by going to Trudy’s to grey goose it with all the others who survived the trenches of creative pain and panic right along with me
3. High five my art director
4. Take my final the next morning, which will be my LASTDAYOFTHESEMESTER!
5. Drive straight to the public library and check out a stack of teen fiction of which I’ve been deprived for 16 weeks now
6. Call up every person I know who, over the past 3 months, has listened to my continuous threatening to throw myself into a big vat of toxic chemicals
7. Tell all those people that Holy Mother of Fred, I made it through and now have 13/39th of a Master’s Degree
8. Enjoy a month of academic-free pink before the next round of little business math bitches, romantic laptop-screen-lit evenings with my textbooks, and nights during which I suddenly wake up in a state of full panic that I will NEVER have any more creative breakthroughs ever again

Aren’t y'all so jealous?

Daddy's Girl

What’s funnier than watching my father, who once switched newspaper subscriptions because his current one was “too liberal,” relax on the sofa after driving 3 hours to Austin, reach for the stack of newspapers on my coffee table - issues of none other than America’s Finest News Source, the Onion, and start reading the issue on top (the one with the following headline: BUSH MAKES SURPRISE VISIT TO WORK)? I just couldn’t resist. I waited for about a minute or so before I said off-handedly, “Oh Dad – you do know that’s a satirical paper, don’t you?”

He dropped that thing as if it were covered in the actual blood, sweat, and toenail clippings of every Democrat, every broadcast journalist not on Fox News and every Canadian, Brit or Russian who would vote for a U.S. Democrat if they could.

But it’s ok, because later that day, I told him that I’ve actually been enjoying my statistics class this semester. Sometimes I even think it’s pretty cool. A math class. The man’s face lit up brighter than the National Christmas Tree.

Why do birds suddenly appear?

I’ve had a huge crush for a little over a year now. On an ad agency. Yes, an ad agency. Because it was at this agency with its lovely people, its decidedly un-agency-like art-clad walls and its perfect, nearly uptown Dallas location that jump-started the unexpected uprooting of this Dallas girl to the city who proudly keeps it weird. (Nope, still not feeling the proud weird thing)

Last week, I finally sent a card to the President of this agency – a love letter deftly disguised as a professional networking communication. And this week, a new email appeared in my inbox as a direct result of this "professional networking communication." That’s right, the name of the President of the agency was in MY INBOX! (Cue cheesy Carpenters' song) I’ve been reading this email, swooning, on an average of once an hour for the past couple of days. You see, this crush of mine has extended an invitation to me to visit! The agency asked me out!

And somehow, none of this behavior – the swooning, the weak knees, The Carpenters - seemed at all odd to me.

That is, until I found myself reading and re-reading every word, analyzing EXACTLY what each one means: What exactly did he mean by “happy?” Does this mean that he likes me? And when he says “career path-“

WAIT A MINUTE. What the bloody hell am I doing?

I am a smart, independent aspiring advertising professional. Not a dramatic, love-sick teenager. I do not NEED an ad agency –

No, wait. I do need an ad agency.

Why do stars fall down from the sky? Every time you walk by…

And I've gotten really good at "accidentally" changing the channel when they're watching FOX News

My parents are pretty damn cool. I’m sure they never thought they’d have the daughter who would veer off into creative pursuits (and then shun them and then come back again, but that’s a whole other story) and reject the conservative values they instilled in her. Yet they continue to show nothing but support, genuine interest and unconditional love as they watch me crash and burn. And crash and burn. And crash and burn.

They are, in fact, so interested in the things that I do that they began putting generous amounts of money in every musician’s tip jar that they came across during that time when my life was all about 4-strings and horse hair. They’ve continued this practice and just the other day, informed me that they now find themselves stopping at promotional displays when they’re out shopping because I’m in advertising. Stopping and buying. A trip to Central Market last weekend cost them an extra jar of local honey and 2 cans of cookies. According to my mom, my life fancies are leading to their financial demise. (you can see where I got my inclination for hyperbole) Not to mention that they now pay special attention to media ads and usually call me to tell me their opinions of them. And the last time they were in Austin to visit, my dad spent every free moment reading my advertising textbooks and telling me about how great good, smart advertising really is. This from a man who, when I was growing up, would sit beside me while we watched TV and say, “You see these commercials? You see how they all claim to be the best? How can everything be the best? Do you think that make sense? The lesson here is: DON’T TRUST THE ADVERTISING. It’s a TRICK.”

But even more meaningful to me is their acceptance of me even as I live my life with values that are contrary to the ones that they so strongly believe. Unfortunately, it took me too many years to talk to them about it openly. Not because I thought they would be angry or that they would think less of me, but because I just didn’t want them to be sad. Only I wish I would’ve talked to them about it sooner because when I finally did this last year, it was the best thing I could’ve done for our relationship. They still show nothing but support, genuine interest and unconditional love for me and for the significant people in my life.

Pretty damn cool.

Because up until then, I still thought that things would actually be different this time

Twice a week, I park my car in the parking lot of a lovely neighborhood park and ride a big yellow school bus to class at the community college with the teeny tiny parking lot. So even though I come prepared every time with my official parking lot permit proudly hanging on my rearview mirror, I still get to take the big yellow school bus, just like the one I rode to kindergarten. Except that back then, I never noticed the big metal box bolted to the front of the bus that says “BODILY FLUIDS CLEAN UP KIT. BIO-HAZARD”

This week, I encountered another familiar vehicle. That’s right, I came flying into grad school on my old friend, the Bullshit Bike. Even though I came prepared, having read, studied and taken notes on every single word of every single page of material for a READING QUIZ.

Let me repeat that. A reading quiz. Closed-book, closed- notes. In graduate school.

So as I stared down at this quiz, light-headed and staggering from its decidedly undergraduate stench, I had no choice but to get right back on my undergraduate BS bike. And I have to say, not only did I not forget how to ride, but I also discovered that BSing about the four specific variables of an optimal communications budget according to Dr. One of 50 Different Marketing Scholars mentioned somewhere in the 300 pages worth of reading that I actually read and studied? Feels just like BSing about the medieval plainchants of the 15th century about which I never read or studied. The only difference I noticed about this familiar old vehicle is the big metal box bolted to my head that says “SHATTERED IDEALISTIC NOTIONS CLEAN UP KIT. ACADEMIC HAZARD.”

At least horns really do belong up there

Wearing a sooner wagon on your head is the stupidest, lamest thing I've ever seen.

Yeah, so maybe I'm just a little bitter.

Plus, she never yells back

The best thing about having inheriting a hand-me-down GPS is that it comes from the era before GPS voices had names. So while everyone else yells at Grace or Karen or Charles, I can yell at DAMN CRAZY-TALKIN’ STUPID WOMAN as we u-turn our way through my post-DAMN CRAZY-TALKIN’ STUPID WOMAN developed part of town.

Who the hell do I think I’m kidding? Even if she was named Svetlana and gave her dopey antique directions in a lovely Russian accent, I’d still call her DAMN CRAZY-TALKIN’ STUPID WOMAN. Bless her little global positioning heart.

I think I’m dead.

Deep-sixed by a Little Bitch called Business Math in all its unit contribution margin glory, my last words being, ”THIS!! THIS IS WHY I NEVER WANTED TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL!!” I should’ve known it would be the math. I’ve never trusted anything that has ONLY ONE correct answer. Just one. Nothing rings more false to me.*

And when I’m trying to figure out what in the hell is happening in a discounted cash flow, I am deprived of my strict, life-sustaining regimen of teen fiction, girl pop, blog writing, beautiful blue eyes and everything else that keeps me putting one wedge heel in front of the other. And every time I face yet another sum-of-years depreciation, I can already imagine the obituary of the girl with 6/39th of a Master’s Degree.

WAIT A MINUTE. To allow this Little Bitch to kill me? Hell, No. NOT the only answer.

I am not dead. Because right before Strategic Advertising Management and its evil Little Bitch partner Business Math muscled their way in, something happened. I began to breathe again. That’s what happens when you think you’ve finally found the work** that you never even knew you wanted, but for which you know you’ve lived your entire life to do. Where the concepts resonate with everything you’ve always thought and felt and you feel like you’re coming home. Little Bitch has nothing on that.

But more importantly, in the case that creative advertising doesn’t end up being home after all, at least I know that Little Bitch can never take away the blog writing. This I know because the only way that will end is in the event that I really am dead. And look at me now - writing for the blog. Not dead yet. But when I am, it WILL NOT be because of Business Math.

You can go ahead and tell that to the coroner.

*Ok, Ok, I’ll admit it. Nothing rings more false to me except, that is, when it comes to spelling, dangling prepositions in writing (even though I strongly believe that every other grammar rule in the book SHOULD BE BROKEN) and the correct usage of words. I have been known to come out of a sales meeting muttering, “FOR WHICH we are shooting. FOR WHICH, FOR WHICH.” and remembering nothing except that the written agenda had 2 misspelled words, a dangling preposition and that someone described a coincidence and called it "irony."

**Creative advertising

Laughter, love and sounding stupider because I’m trying to get more smarter

When you’ve been surrounding yourself with close textbooks and good business journal case studies while basking in the warm glow of the laptop screen and sharing joyful moments of underlining and page-turning, you get really good at having one-way conversations. Even with other people.

As evidenced by 3 recent exchanges:

Verbal Exchange #1

Friend: I don’t ever want to live in Dallas. It’s too highway.

Me: Really? I don’t think so at all. It’s nothing like Austin.

Friend: Are you serious? You think Austin has more than Dallas?

Me: Hell, yeah. Austin is totally hilly.

Email exchange:

Friend: hooray for friday. today is chill.

Me: So it's already starting to get chilly over there?

Friend: oh it's still warm here...i think i meant "chill" as in relaxed.

Verbal Exchange #2:

Me: I just found out that my dad has a connection to someone who works at The Martin Agency.

Friend (who used to live in Virginia): Where is that?

Me: Richmond, VA.

Friend (making a face): Ooh, Richmond is……

Me: I know, is really cool right? I have a friend who lives there and he says it’s awesome. It might be worth looking into for an internship opportunity.

Friend (looking confused, but trying to be tactful): Well, I mean, I guess it’s… Well, some people……

Me: Oh no, wait. He lives in Charlottesville. Actually, I think he told me once that Richmond sucks.

Pause of realization

Me: Like you were saying…

And in return, I tell her that C-O-M-M-I-T-M-E-N-T -phobia is perfectly normal

My friend Carena* is the one who taught me that holding something (an apple, a book, a puppy, but not a goldfish- that’s cruel) directly on top of your head for a minute or so is very calming when you can’t figure out how to organize your thoughts on paper. And that singing your To Do List when you’re trying to write a paper, study for a final, practice for an audition and find a place to live next year is a lot less stressful than writing it down. (Or as was more commonly practiced, keeping track of it in your head).

A decade later, she is still imparting refreshingly unconventional and effective wisdom - most recently when our phone conversation developed into a very detailed exchange of cricket horror stories. The thing is, as my recently found courage has been rapidly diminishing in this, The City of Never-ending Floppy Legged High Jumpers, I’ve been desperately seeking out advice in an effort to renew my valor. And during this conversation with Carena, as she proceeded to tell me about one that landed in the middle of her friend's forehead, she unwittingly gave me the best idea of all. You see, I’ve been calling them "crickets." She, on the other hand, calls them “C-R-I-C-K-E-T-S” because as she explained, to actually say the word is a bold and personal invitation for them to appear.

!

It was like the moment I realized that water is actually CLEAR (so why had I been using my blue crayon to color water?). Only Carena could give me such a brilliant, irrational solution to a completely irrational fear. From now on, they are C-R-I-C-K-E-T-S.

And now you might be thinking, That? Makes you feel better?

Yes. It does.

Carena understands. Which is just one of the reasons I am so lucky to have her as a friend.

*not her real name

Dixie bebe Me: Ashamed that Blue Bell is from Texas

It’s true. I hate Blue Bell ice cream. The very ice cream from Deep in the Heart of Texas, beloved by so many here in my great state.

But even more than I hate the ice cream, I hate the ad campaign. The romanticizing of the “good ol’ days” in American culture. You know, when people sat outside on their porch swings after sweet little mama spent all day making homemade lemonade and apparently, churning out homemade ice cream while she hung laundry on the line. The kids running around outside catching fire flies, swimming in swimming holes, waiting for “Mama hollerin' through the screen, 'would you kids like some home made ice cream?'”

Oh, and listening to Daddy belittle the Black man across the street.

Back in a “simpler time and place.” When kids could be kids FUTURE BITOGED BASTARDS.

How much fun did I have at the first home game last night?

So much that I discovered what happens to my beautiful ring after 3 1/2 hours of TEXAS FIGHT clapping:



Turns out my finger is not perfectly round.

But it can still form a "hook 'em" sign with the rest of my fingers in a heartbeat:



And my lungs can yell forever.

TEXAS FIGHT!

Guess what is in my refrigerator’s fruit drawer right now? Filled. To the brim.

If someone were to ask me which months I’d choose to come out of hibernation if I had to hibernate for 10 months out of the year (someone might TOO ask me that), I wouldn’t even have to think twice. I’d choose mid-July to mid-September. Why? Two sacred words:

White nectarines.

This being the season for that sweet, luscious Ambrosia of the Gods. This alone, my friends, is reason enough.

But since I’d be out already…

I could also load up on the second best fruit in the world – white peaches. Plus, I’d catch the tail end of watermelon season and sneak in as much NOKA chocolate as possible before slipping back into hibernation with a tummy full of heaven and some lovely new winter boots on my feet.

As long as I'm not trying to ride the pig's wings to instant stardom

As students at that music conservatory that I love to mock, we never talked about its reputation. We all knew about it- we knew it, the faculty knew it, U.S. News and World Report knew it. But we never felt the need to say it aloud. Of course, it could have had something to with having a deep-rooted sense that if you’re not a child prodigy performing at Carnegie Hall, you’re still not good enough. Or the implicit social rule that serious, cynical artists must reject anything so simple as school spirit. But mostly, it was because talking about it would’ve made us the equivalent to the kid in school that is almost cool, but never gets there because she is trying too hard to prove it.

Now that I’ve been in my current program for the summer term and have been through orientation and the first week of the fall semester, I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard in the most explicit of terms that we are in the BEST ADVERTISING PROGRAM IN THE COUNTRY. And I’m beginning to have to resist the urge to gasp dramatically each time yet another faculty member says it and say, “What? OMG. I had no. idea. Why didn’t anyone say so?”

Don’t get me wrong. I’m Texan, I’m proud and I will HOOK ‘EM until the day I die. But being proud of your state and your football team is one thing. You know that none of that actually makes you better than anyone else.

And I am remarkably thankful to be in this program and I fully agree that it really is an extremely comprehensive and solid program with relevant classes where people are actually very nice and down-to-earth. I know that they remind us of the reputation over and over again with the hope that it will motivate us to do well. But please. Give us a little credit. I mean, anyone who really does need such educational ego feeding to do well will probably end up as the 55-year-old stuck in a career rut, wondering why the BEST PROGRAM IN THE COUNTRY didn’t catapult him to stardom.

For once, I wish things were a little more like the music conservatory.

Wait, did I really just write that? Was that a pig flying past my window?

But I still wear makeup every time I leave the apartment

I’ve been in Austin for almost 3 months now and I feel pretty good. It’s nice to be in a new city with new people and new crickets. It’s even better to have not one, but TWO HEB stores on the same street that I live.

In fact, sometimes I forget that I’m in Austin because it feels a lot like Dallas when I’m walking around in Whole Foods with all the yuppies. And I’ve seen more Dallas Cowboy shirts than Evil Spurs shirts. But then I’ll see a pair of Birkenstocks or a “Keep Austin Weird” bumper sticker. Or one of my new friends will make some sort of subtle gibe about my shamelessly high maintenance ways. And it brings me right back down to Austin. God bless its crunchy heart. Yes, I said crunchy. Give me a break, I’m from Dallas – even normal feels crunchy to us.

Fortunately, chocolate doesn't have the same effect

Austin Java has a specialty coffee called “Café No Fun” which is actually a decaf espresso with steamed skim milk. It isn’t the first time I’ve heard my drink of choice being referred to as such. I’ve also heard it referred to as “What’s the point?” While I appreciate the cleverness and I’m the first to own up to being a big ol’ no-fun calorie/fat gram counter, I do have an answer to “What’s the point?” I DON’T LIKE HAVING PANIC EPISODES FOR NO REASON AT ALL. And that’s what happens to me when I drink caffeinated coffee.

If I’m going to have a panic episode, then Mother of Pete, it’s going to be for a reason. For a really good reason, such as that something really wonderful is happening. Like when I suddenly realize that I’m in a really good relationship with a really good man. Or when I commit to enrollment at an excellent school with an excellent program with excellent opportunities. Then there was the day that I met my sister-in-law’s entire family right before the wedding, because apparently, my subconscious felt that if my brother wasn’t going to panic on this happy day, then SOMEONE should.

But as fun as it is to write about it, I guarantee you that it is not at all fun when your brain knows that you really should be happy and excited, but the rest of your body is too busy grappling with the sudden onset of claustrophobia, dizziness, shortness of breath, and a racing heartbeat to listen to that damn, rational brain. And it’s even less fun when that damn, rational brain is just as confused as the rest of your body.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t often hear people ask their friends to meet for coffee; conversation; and claustrophobic, heart-racing shortness of breath and dizziness.

In the name of Perfect Teeth and Calorie Free Indulgences, Amen.

An iPod and its shuffling capabilities is a Godsend on long road trips. A road trip to Dallas, for example, means two chances for 3 straight hours of a little gay bar disco shuffled in with a handful of dirty hip-hop dance tossed in with some good head & hair-tossin’ rock mixed in, of course, with A WHOLE LOT of sweet, yummy girl pop.

I am completely aware of how weird (downright scandalous in certain circles) it is for a classically trained violinist to claim girl pop as one of the top 3 greatest loves of her life. But you see, I can still remember the very moment that I first heard Tiffany’s “I think we’re alone now” and experienced the tingling, pure joy of cotton candy for the ear.

And nobody consumes cotton candy because it’s sophisticated. Besides, the dentist doesn’t check your ears.

A taste of stardom always wins

A couple of weeks ago, I mentioned the extent of my childhood shyness.

Which I guess is why I never spoke up about how getting in front of a child’s face during a game of basketball in PE and screaming at her to “BE AGGRESSIVE!!” does not make you an inspirational elementary school PE coach. Or that I didn’t agree that good art was a picture of smiling kids, neatly drawn and colored in with crayon and then outlined with black marker. Or that maybe my short story didn’t need an ending that explained everything so literally. Actually, I might not have spoken up about that because the story (with the added literal ending) won the city short story contest and I GOT TO BE ON TV! I was shy, not humble.

Shoutout to The One Who is MOVING TO AUSTIN!!

Congratulations to Supergirl who has landed a fantastic job as a meeting planner here in Austin and who gets to work at THE APPLE INC. CAMPUS! Supergirl, you absolutely deserve this and I’m more excited for you and ok, for me - I never said I’m not just a little selfish- than the time I bought my shiny red patent leather heels. Can’t wait for the lots & lots of drinks! (and do you think you can give me a tour of the Apple campus?)

Conceptual Creativity Hangover

This is what you are experiencing when your brain could be a menu item at KFC and your apartment looks a lot like what your mother used to call “(bebe Me)’s Studio” because bless her heart, she didn’t quite know what to make of this little girl who could blithely exist within 10 feet of a seemingly unorganized explosion of paper, pencils, markers, crayons, glue, scissors and the like that took up an entire corner of the bedroom. (In the grown-up version, there is also a beautiful white macbook precariously balanced on top.)

But this weekend, as I cleaned up the residue of paper scraps, books and dried up glue sticks, while nursing the mouse-clicking induced pain in the tip of my index finger and my throbbing headache from the Last-week-of-class sleep deprivation, it hit me. I really am in the right place at the right time. Right about this time last year, I would wake up every morning with a heartful of reluctance and a stomachful of dread. My brain cells were swiftly withering away, having given up on any opportunities for ideation in ways other than figuring out how to keep my bitchiness at bay as I tried to differently word the same bourgeois platitudes to each unsuspecting client I encountered during each excruciating second of each agonizing 8-hour day.

A year later, I just finished 5 weeks of Creative Strategies and its slew of assignments during which I could easily spend 9 straight hours in flow*, ideating at last, with words and images in my own voice and sense of humor as I slowly began to understand and foster creativity in an even bigger way than looking pretty and sounding funny. Add in the fact that I got to use the topic of teen fiction to finally understand how to do proper academic research and I’d say that I’m looking at something for which it is absolutely worth waking up in the morning. Maybe it’s a result of my efforts and patience, maybe it’s luck. In any case, God is being especially good to me right now and my brain and I are feeling thankful for this blessing of a conceptual creativity hangover. Pain and all.

* defined by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (I know, I know, but it’s somewhat impossible to be a grad student without sounding just a little bookish) as an activity that involves “painful, risky, difficult activities that stretched the person’s capacity and involved an element of novelty and discovery” and “the feeling when things were going well as an almost automatic, effortless, yet highly focused state of consciousness”

What does pink mean?

I've mentioned it a few times so I thought I'd share it.

This, y'all. THIS is bebe Me's Life so far on an 11 x17 surface and the answer to "what does pink mean?"



Who knew?

They are even more mutant than you think

I fell asleep with the TV on and had a dream that I was being killed by a tribe of violent, shrieking men. Right after my head got cut off by a sword, I screamed and jumped out of bed. And then I realized that those violent, shrieking men were now on the TV. With my heart still pounding and my body still shaking in my sequined, dragonfly pajamas, I looked at the TV to see what horrifying, hair-raising movie had encroached upon my slumber.

Only to find that it was THE TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES.

What? I wasn’t scared or anything. I scream and jump out of bed like that all the time.

Taking every opportunity to make my loyalties perfectly clear

Conversation at my advertising campaign group meeting:

“What’s the word we’re looking for to describe this guy?”

“Revolutionary?”

“Individualist?”

“I like the word ‘maverick.’” (me)

General agreement.

“Maybe because I love the Mavs.”

Groans all around.

“You know I like Houston, don’t you?” (the guy from Houston)

“But somehow, describing a nonconformist as a ‘ROCKET’ just doesn’t sound quite as good, does it?” (me)

Gleeful-perhaps obnoxiously gleeful- laughter. (from me. Only me)

Something Smells Delicious

This is what satire looks like when it comes out of the oven perfectly baked.

A Couple of Questions for the Austinites

1. Why is Guadalupe (as in Guadalupe Street) pronounced as [Gwod'-uh-loop] instead of [Wod-ah-loop'-ay] and Manor (as in Manor Street) as [May'-ner] instead of [Mah'-ner]?


2. Why oh why oh WHY are y'all so proud of the slogan, “Keep Austin Weird?”

The Blonde Sheep

Nobody would ever suspect the validity of my biological claims. I absolutely inherited my family’s tongue-in-cheek humor, addiction to Toyota cars, disregard for anything that smells remotely like a “holiday family tradition” a la Hallmark, and a repulsion for Blue Bell ice cream right along with my naturally dark (sigh) hair and eyes. Over the years, I’ve witnessed many people saying, “You must be (bebe Me’s) dad. Nice to meet you,” upon first laying eyes on my father and before he even opens his mouth to speak.

What I did NOT inherit is die-hard, straight-ticket republicanism and a hardwiring for understanding natural sciences and MATH. Recent phone conversation with my father who got sucked into helping me review for a MATH TEST.

ME: (after pulling my hair out for an hour because “factoring” sounded like something I might have learned but now looked like ancient hieroglyphics, only to learn that my father can factor and start spitting out formulas as if he does algebarf homework every day) Do you use these formulas every day?

HIM: No.

ME: Then, HOW DO YOU REMEMBER THAT Y=MX +B???

HIM: I don’t know. I just know.

As if I’d just asked him if he knew which hand was his right one.

How did I come from that?

Just making sure that my brain doesn't get jealous of my heart

Nothing screams “STUDENT HERE!” louder than reading on the cardio machines at the gym while making notes in the margins with a pencil. And a stack of more books and journal readings on the floor next to you while you engage in a new kind of speed interval workout in which your recovery intervals are actually recovery/note making intervals.

My fellow gym members’ ears must be throbbing.

A Math Test. Otherwise known as “That which will keep me grounded in the real world”

With this post, I’m about to break 2 of my own cardinal rules:

1. Never ever use my blog to rant over things in my life about which nobody else gives a damn.
2. Never throw my educational pedigree around as if it means that I’m all that. It’s bad form and it certainly DOES NOT mean that I’m all that – believe me, nobody knows that better than I do. And furthermore, once again: nobody gives a damn.

If I were the one reading this blog post about someone else, I’d probably want to stop reading here.

But if you are still reading, congratulations – the truth is that I think you’ll laugh in the end. So here goes. Yesterday, I spent TWO HOURS at the local community college so that I could register for 2 leveling courses that I need in order to officially earn my graduate degree. I’m taking them there because it has been recommended to me as a cheaper and easier route. So I spent two hours in a large, crowded waiting room where they provided several copies of “Popular Science” from 2003 because, you know, I guess the HIGHER EDUCATED types read “the monthly magazine about current science and technology” from FOUR YEARS AGO.

I was waiting to talk with an advisor, but apparently, you must first be screened for academically transmitted diseases. During this screening, I had to confirm that I indeed have a degree even though my transcript does not say in large block letters across the top: WE PROMISE THAT SHE EARNED AN ACCREDITED BACHELOR OF MUSIC DEGREE HERE AT THIS SCHOOL. Forever and a half later, an advisor finally came out from the back and yelled out my name not unlike the way they do at Schlotzky’s when your sandwich is ready. Things started getting better, however, in her office as we chatted about my situation and the classes I wanted to take. That is, until she started flipping through my transcript. “Hmmm. Where’s your math class?”

Which is when I had to explain that we didn’t take math at my school. The fact that the school administration insisted on a mandatory Humanities credit was enough for most performance majors to question the validity of its claim to be an authentic music conservatory. I mean, really. A music conservatory that REQUIRES such a worldy distraction? That kind of progressive thinking is the very thing that threatens the sanctity of the art. (Thankfully, I can honestly say that I was one of those progressive thinkers that did NOT agree)

And that is when I was informed that in order to take any classes at this community college, Texas law requires me to take a math test to ensure that I am CAPABLE of doing college math (up to Algebra II).

Even though I took the GRE and scored perfectly well. Even though, in high school, I was on the honors math track through Algebra II and when I left the honors track, the teacher kept asking me why I wasn’t in honors. Even though in my math-deficient college education, I successfully completed 2 years of Tonal Theory and 1 year of 12-tone atonal theory. And believe me, you don’t get through those classes (matrices anyone?) without an understanding of college-level math.

And here is where I get unbearably snooty (just warning you): I didn't just graduate from college. I graduated with a VERY HIGH GPA and an EXTREMELY DIFFICULT degree from the classical music’s equivalent to an IVY LEAUGE which, I know might sound just a little obscure to most, but can be easily verified with just a little bit of research. I am currently attending what is sometimes referred to as a “public IVY” whose advertising program for which I am enrolled has been consistently ranked in the top 4 (often 1st) programs in the country. And can I mention AGAIN that I took the GREs and in fact scored WELL ABOVE AVERAGE even among the students accepted in my program? And in that big ol’ waiting room, I actually PICKED UP an issue of “Popular Science” instead of staring vapidly into space or talking on the phone to a friend about whose best friend can’t stand whose boyfriend. And TEXAS LAW is telling ME that I can’t take the same damn course as any one of those people unless I take a MATH TEST?

So incensed was I that I called my mom as soon as I got home to say, “THEY TOLD ME I HAVE TO TAKE A MATH TEST!” To which I did receive the much needed mom empathy. But every time she tried to move on and ask me something else like, “How was school today?” I would answer, “THEY TOLD ME I HAVE TO TAKE A MATH TEST!”

PREPOSTEROUS. A school that insists on a mandatory math test. I am an advertising graduate student! I mean, really. A school that requires such an irrelevant distraction? That kind of backwards thinking is the very thing –

Waaiiit. Ok then. Give me a pencil. I have to review for a math test.

Plan “C my Dust-free Shoes”

Since moving to Austin and becoming a student with a conservative budget and with wardrobe decisions limited by the fact that I have to walk on a daily basis for several blocks in something other than my workout wear, I’ve begun to worry about certain sections of my Dallas Working Girl Wardrobe - especially the one more commonly known as “going out clothes,” which has been relegated to the deepest depths of my closet where a girl on a budget dares not go too often. Sometimes, in the midst of writing an abstract for my annotated bibliography, my old friend Panic will whisper urgently in my ear until I jump up and run to my closet just to make sure that the pretty tops and dresses haven’t yet collected an inch of dust and a foot of so-last-year. Last weekend, I finally had the opportunity to unearth some of these items (including, of course, the bad-ass 4 in. stiletto heels) in the form of an official new-ad-grad-students-in-Summer-II night out.

I’ve been really happy about how quickly I’ve been able to make a large number of friends within my program at school. So once we decided on the date, I enthusiastically designated myself as the “event coordinator.” Wanting to be completely thorough, I sent out an email with the where, when and how much; a link to The Elephant Room’s website where we’d be starting out; and carpool group details. My carpool group had a total of four people and all four of us made it to the right places at the right time with no problems until we were in the final car ready to go to The Elephant Room – Austin’s own nationally recognized live jazz bar. The car was running and we were all fastened in and totally pumped that it wasn’t pouring rain as was forecasted. And me? Not only were my feet resplendent at last, in shiny patent brilliance, but I was also feeling pretty damn good about pulling this all off so smoothly. And then, the driver put her hand on the gearshift and said, “Ok, now where is this place?”

Complete silence.

“Um, I don’t know. Don’t you?”

“I thought YOU knew.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s on Congress somewhere.”

“Ok, hold on, hold on. I know.” (me)

Collective sigh of relief.

“Oh, thank God. You know. So where is it?”

“No, no. I’m just saying that I know that I’m going to call Jane.* Maybe she knows.”

Now you may be thinking that this brilliant resourcefulness had something to do with a sense of responsibility as the “event coordinator.” In fact, it had nothing to do with that. But it had everything to do with the black patent leather on my feet. Because a real Dallas Girl always has a SOLID Plan B** to get her shoes out on the dance floor.

*Not her real name.
**Ok, so she didn’t know either. But you see, the SOLID Plan B always has a SOLID Plan C which consists of driving around downtown until someone sees it.

Big Geeks Far from the Prairie

Where on the geek-o-meter do we fall if my mom called me to tell me to TURN ON THE TV! Because a special 2-hour episode of Little House on the Prairie comes on in 15 minutes - and she thinks it's one we've never seen! (which is just short of a miracle since we spent all of my childhood summers watching re-runs)

And I immediately jumped up to grab the Tivo remote so that I could record it.

Dream a little dream

How fantastic would it be if your academic research topic had to do with TEEN FICTION?

I’ll tell you. It’s BLOODY FANTASTIC. That’s right – got it approved today. By the professor. And he looked genuinely excited about it.

50% of the grade for the class! On teen fiction!

Because you want your skin to be soft, supple, and as thick as an elephant's

All healthy derision and sarcasm aside, there are some things from my previous Violin-centric living for which I am grateful. Like the fact that you don’t get a performance degree without cultivating the resilience of something like 100 extra strength rubber bands. Part of this comes from the daily opportunities to stand completely vulnerable in front of both peers and established artists as they mercilessly critique and evaluate your work and ideas – the ideas into which you’d been putting your blood, sweat, tears and a kidney or two. You do this even when the ideas aren’t quite fully developed and you have to bite your tongue lest you give in to the uncontrollable urge to tell everyone that swear to God, in the practice room, you nail that passage every time. You do this every day and you learn to get over yourself and leave your easily bruised feelings at home because those extraordinarily fresh ideas you had? Maybe not quite as extraordinarily fresh as you thought. At least they aren’t coming across that way. But you also learn to evaluate your own work better. And then, what do you know? Your work really does get better.

I miss that. I also miss the sense of empowerment and exhilaration you get from getting out of the sidelines and into the ring.

And that is why I volunteered to get up in front of the class yesterday to share my life map. I was a bit apprehensive as it was a totally different ring from the violin ring, which I knew like back of my bow hand. Not to mention it’s been a while since I’ve put something I’ve created out there to be examined for more than just looking pretty or sounding funny. Granted, the setting for this particular introductory class is not to critique and evaluate, but rather to share and enjoy. Everyone gets a pat on the back. But it was still an opportunity to get back in the ring. Because someday soon, in some way, I’m sure that I’m going to have to get over myself again.

But maybe even more significant is that I stood up in front of my peers, my prof. and the TA this week and admitted that YES, I am a graduate student and I love pink, I love glitter and I love girl pop. So there.

The answer is not "the combination of red and white"

I cancelled a trip to Dallas this weekend (I know, I know, but I have a very good reason) so that I could quantify my entire life up to this point on an 11x17 flat surface.

It is just as fun as and even more difficult than it sounds and is something you should definitely try if you would like to experience the power of the creative process first-hand. Because you might be very surprised.

If, for example, you’d asked me before I created this life map, which question my life has answered, I’d might have said one of the following:

•What happens when a person makes the same mistake over and over again?
•When am I going to find something I love to do that makes as much money as the things that I don’t love to do? (wait, no that’s actually a question that my life has NOT answered)
•Why, oh WHY did I spend so much of my life in a violin-centric bubble? (I ask myself this every day after all)

Or even:

•How did the painfully shy kindergartner who pretended she knew how to skip and actually faked the motions IN FRONT OF HER ENTIRE CLASS when it was her turn, because it was better than speaking up to say that she was home sick on the day that they learned it, end up being the one who frequently strikes up conversation with strangers in the check-out line?

And I really did incorporate most of those questions into this project. But who knew that in the end, I would discover that I’ve lived my entire life in order to answer the following question:

What does pink mean? (and why the hell aren’t I Britney Spears yet?)

I mean, YOU wouldn’t go to Dallas without knowing what pink means, would you?

Taking a Closer Look

Some things my group discovered around campus and on the drag for our Creative Strategies assignment today:





On the sidewalk (next two images):





The trees along this street have metal "tracking" tags on them:






I was the one who insisted that we take this one, because, well, I've actually felt a little like this tree before - trying to break OUT OF THE BOX. (By the way, you will never, ever hear me liken myself to a tree again.)

A Warm Welcome Home from the Crickets

Those little black spots.



This is the stairway that leads from my front door up to my living space. Now wasn't that thoughtful of these three to line up to greet me?

They are just so damn sweet!

One down and she's still kickin'

So I’ve survived my FIRSTGRADUATECLASS. I realize that my perception of graduate reality so far consists of ONE class that met only twice a week and was over in six weeks. But still, I’ve successfully dipped my toe into the pool. In fact, I'd venture to say that I've got at least one foot in the water by now. And guess what? I’m feeling ok.

Apparently, I am the first student in the history of Media Management ADV385 to have led the entire class in a round of applause and cheering at the end of our last textbook assignment. But what else would you expect from The Queen of pre-graduate school agony and panic? This is a BIG DEAL.

Believe me, it’s a miracle that I didn’t bring my disco ball and portable stereo to class so that we could have a proper get-down, hip-swingin', hands-up, Soultrain-aspiring throw down.

Very Properly Giving the Finger to Academic Paper Writing

Because I hate it almost as much as I hate Victorian furniture.

And you can’t start sentences with words like “and.”

Or include incomplete sentences.

• Or use bullets even though I’m pretty sure most people in “the real world” prefer bullet points to ponderous prose when they are reading about a TOTALLY DRY topic

OR WRITE IN ALL CAPS WHEN YOU WANT TO EMPHASIZE SOMETHING.

And quotation marks aren’t used to add sarcasm to a “normal” word/phrase.

And you can’t use words-that-are-actually-a-bunch-of-words-strung-together.

Or insert extra periods even if that is the. only. way. to make your point.

Or throw in a shout out, even if it’s in parentheses (ex: BTW, Dr. Smith, that joke you told in class the other day about this? Totally LMAO!)

And BTW, UR definitely NOT allowed to use short hand like that either,

And using slang? Bloody hell no, y’all. Fo’ shizzle.

Blah, blah. BLAH.

The W/D Connection

And did you press your cheek up against its coldness and wrap your arms around its boxy-ness and kiss it yet?

Ok, yes. I was the one who instant messaged that. But it was my FRIEND who IMed:

I finally know what it’s like to be IN LOVE with a washer and dryer.

Because we had an entire exchange wherein we waxed on and on and on about a washer and dryer (wait, did I really just write “wherein?”) - the washer and dryer that used to be mine before I sold them to my friend in all its Whirlpool glory and moved to the pale mud green apartments, where I’m provided with an astonishingly efficient (read: teeny, stackable, no frills) W/D set. And while they were taking my beloved Whirlpools out and loading it into the back of her truck, I must have said to her at least 100 times, “LOOK, it has a HAND-WASHABLES setting. See? Do you see it? You can wash your HAND WASHABLES in there.”

AND I could put more than a small basketful of laundry in there. AND there was a special timed device in which to put my laundry softener. AND if I really did have only a small basketful of bath towels, I could dry it in just one dryer cycle. And don't even get me STARTED on the extremely impressive array of setting options.

All of which, of course, I didn’t fully appreciate until it was gone.

But now I know, oh washer and dryer set, how great thou art. We miss you!

We being me, my clothes and my bottle of original formula Woolite.

Sisterhood, Sappiness, and All of That

One of my girls (the Boutique VIP) from Dallas came to Austin this week to visit her Austin stores. It was the first time I’ve seen one of my Dallas female friends since I moved.

Like most women, when it comes to that girlfriend connection, I turn into a certified sappy-talkin’, sentimental ninny. And I’m not generally a sappy-talkin’, sentimental ninny. But I totally get why people write entire books and films about it. I've been known to pore over an extensive photo essay or two. I mean, you know it’s a very powerful bond when you don’t even think twice about holding someone’s hand because she’s too drunk to make it to the restroom on her own, and then going into the stall with her to make sure she doesn’t fall into the toilet* because you know that she would totally come to your rescue and pretend to be your lesbian date when that sleazy guy on the dance floor won’t leave you alone. Of course, there are different levels of sap. I’d say that I relate less, if at all, to the girls who get together to bake milk chocolate chip cookies while crying together over epic love movies and more to those of us who know that real women eat dark chocolate and aren’t afraid of saying that the newborn baby in that picture is ugly. But the actual bond itself is the same across all sap levels. And while modern technology allows us to connect, even in different cities, there is still nothing like being together in person.

Which is why I was so happy to see the Boutique VIP in person. So that we could be in the same room to do the following: compare “father talking to his daughter” stories, wonder why it’s so hard for people to understand why it REALLY IS a big deal for some of us to go camping and not be able to wear make-up and jewelry for more than a couple days, and dish about our NBA crushes in detail. There is something reassuring about looking across your drink and seeing someone else who once thought boys had cooties. In my case, it was an especially sappily sentimental opportunity to spend time with someone who’s known me for more than a month, who knows me well enough to have blackmail stories from 5 years ago and who’s answered the phone and just listened to me cry because my heart was broken but I had nothing to say. Someone who I’ve known long enough that I could show her my new laptop bag, ask if the color was truly hideous and expect an HONEST answer. It felt like home.

*I should clarify that this particular act is something I've done before, but NOT something that I've ever had to do for the Boutique VIP. It was just an example to illustrate my point here which happened to be in the same post I wrote about her.

Don't let the graduate students fool you

With less than a week until the due date of our media plan project, I just had this exchange with one of my group members:

"Wow. I think I finally feel like I know what I'm talking about."

"How did you know? I was just thinking that I feel like I finally know what I'm talking about."

And yet we've all managed to work on and fight over this thing for FOUR WEEKS already. It's amazing how many things there are to fight about even when you don't know what the hell you're talking about.

I have something to say. Three Times.

I politely declined a request for my phone number from Guy at Apple Store yesterday. He did a truly impressive job of intertwining flirtatious comments right in there with his helpful comments regarding the Airport Extreme Base Station vs. the Airport Express Base Station. He's a nice guy. In fact, he was so nice that he helped me pick the better deal and helped me save money. Twice. So I gave my heartfelt thanks. But when he called my name out and came running after me as I was on my way out of the store, clearly putting himself on the line in front of all of his co-workers, and asked for my number, I didn’t feel bad about saying no. Furthermore, I did not feel obliged to say, “Sorry I’m seeing someone” or apologize or lie in any way shape or form. Women everywhere would be shocked and appalled.

How, they would ask, can you be so mean?

GET OVER YOURSELF.

I have always maintained that you do NOT have to lie when you don’t want to give a man your phone number. Here’s the thing. I find it remarkably insulting when someone lies to me. Essentially, they are taking me for a fool. I’m with Judge Judy: “Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining.” And it’s even more insulting and ridiculously presumptuous when someone lies to me because they think I’m made of damn glass. Please. GET OVER YOURSELF.

I mean, to each her own and all of that, but I’m just saying that if you want to say “No thank you,” for the love of God, just say, “No thank you” or something to that nature. You don’t have to say, “HELL, no. Are you fucking kidding me?” But you don’t have to give some sort of fake phone number or say, “Oh, um, well, you know. It’s just.. it’s just. I’m sorry. It’s just that I have a boyfriend. I’m so sorry” And you know what else? Even if you do have a significant other, hopefully the reason you don't want to give your number is because you are genuinely NOT interested, so you can just say, “No thank you.” Believe me, the guy just met you – he’s not going to stay up at night crying because YOU said “No thank you.”

One more time: GET OVER YOURSELF.

The Crickets ARE NOT in Times Square

Because they are following me through the great state of Texas. Throughout the 6 years I lived at the last apartment complex, my friends, coworkers and family were regularly regaled with The Great Cricket Tales: How for one particularly bad 2 weeks, I’d have 7-8 new ones come to visit every night; how they could jump as high as my waist; how that jumping was so loud that I kept thinking there was another person messing around in the apartment; and how I could swear up and down that they were IN MY INTERCOM BOX. These sound like exaggerations, but they are not. I admit that the intercom box one sounded a little daffy even to me, until one day I SAW one of them scuttling back into said box which eventually led to the dismounting of the box, only to find (if you have a weak stomach, you may want to skip ahead) at least 20. dead crickets. inside.

So most of these friends and family thought it was totally crazy that there were crickets coming into my apartment in the first place. Ants, beetles, spiders, even scorpions... yeah, those are regular sightings in Texas homes. But crickets? Apparently, it was only me. Oh, they’d pat my hand and say, “there, there,” but I’m quite certain that they’d all go on and regale all of their friends with The Great “Crazy Girl with the Cricket Tales” Tales. I felt somewhat validated when upon moving out with the help of some of these people, behind the washer and dryer which hadn’t been moved for 6 years, there were dozens upon dozens of old dead crickets. “Wow, you weren’t kidding about those crickets, were you?”

Kidding? Yes, I love to make up stories about being scared shitless over creatures the size of my thumb.

It took no longer than 2 weeks here in Austin for them to find me again. Oh the familiar sound of long floppy legs and merry chirping (“We’re here! We’re here! Did you miss us?”). To my pleasant surprise, however, I’ve discovered that when I see one, I’m no longer immediately frozen with fear. My heart doesn’t start to race and I don’t start sweating with only one thing left to do: stand there staring at it for one whole minute as it gleefully frolics around the room until I work up enough courage to run for the Raid, spray the thing from 8 ft. away and shriek each time it jumps (insect activists should stop reading here) until it finally gives up and dies, leaving me in a cloud of toxic fumes.

NOW, I see one of my cricket friends and say, “Well, of course.” I immediately reach for the Woolite Carpet Cleaner (might as well clean the carpet while I’m at it) and give the thing a few squirts to slow it down. And then, sometimes while it’s STILL ALIVE, I’ll either push it toward the door to kick it outside or I’ll pick it up with a paper towel and flush it down the toilet. No toxic fumes required.

By golly, if for nothing else, graduate school is good for your fear of crickets.

For the West TX-grown, West Coast Ivy Leauge educated Palo Alto Girl

Because of her, I can never say that my Kindergarten year in Littleton, Colorado was dull. Because of her, I am still just an instant message away from a laugh. Or a bitch-session. Or a purchase consultation. Because of her, there is at least one person who truly hears me when I speak.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CATWOMAN!!!


- From the N. TX-grown, East Coast Conservatory educated Dallasite

The Real Accomplishment of Graduating

I learned a lot of things in college.

Impressive things like how to sing “Happy Birthday” in solfege, analyze “The Rite of Spring,” and completely dissect the Sonata form. (What do you mean you’re not impressed?)

Interpersonal things like if you manage to recruit a chamber group without at least one person who will show up to rehearsals only half of the time and in a half baked state, then you’ve TOTALLY beaten the odds.

Useful things such as: when you live in Rochester, NY in the winter time, you need not bother trying to look sexy when you walk (it’s all in the hip shifting) or style your hair because if you don’t wear a stiff, hooded, down-filled coat that goes down to at least your knees and allows for no extraneous movement plus a warm hat that covers your ears under the hood of that coat, then you WILL freeze your ass off.

And as so recently pointed out to me by various people in my life, illegal things. Like jaywalking across the busiest multi-lane intersection in downtown on an average of 15 times a day. At the time, it didn’t seem as if I was risking my life each time I ran on the snow and ice in the above-mentioned coat (which if you are wearing, you have to turn your entire body in order to look left or right) while carrying a bag full of books and an instrument worth thousands of dollars in just enough time to beat the next speeding car. It seemed the only smart thing to do. I mean, it was COLD and we didn’t have the time to just STAND there at the light, waiting for it to change. Please. Those lights were just suggestions.

Which is why I felt a sense of familiarity during my first visit to my new campus, even before I accepted admission. Not only is the communications building located on one of the busiest intersections on campus, but when the Director of the program walked me over from his office to said building, he didn’t just jaywalk, he jaywalked at least 10 feet away from the actual intersection. As we jogged across, he turned to me and said, “They did teach you to jaywalk at that New York school, didn’t they?”

At that moment, I knew I was among friends. The difference is that now I check for cops.

Gratitude

What do you do when in the span of one month, during which time everything in your life is going exceptionally well, you find out that two of your good friends are suffering from serious and life-altering injuries?

The answer, I believe, is not necessarily an original one, but one that is always worth revisiting. You take inspiration from their courage to let go of the anger. And to awaken a renewed sense of appreciation for the good things. I have a lot of them right now.

Don't Shoot the Simple Girl

My favorite day of the year isn't my birthday, it isn't New Year's and it isn't Halloween - although all of those are high on the list.
My favorite day is the one that, in my view, is a literal celebration of "day," it being the one with the most daylight all year and the kickoff to my favorite season of summer with its hot sunny days and seemingly endless hours. Yes, I am a Lady of Lightness and Daughter of the Sun. If this means that my soul is simple and shallow, then SIMPLE AND SHALLOW BE I.

This year, I celebrated by experiencing the uniquely Austin "Mexonesian" (self-described) Hula Hut, located on Lake Austin in the best of company where I sat on the patio, looked out on the lake and had a delicious Bloody Mary at 4 pm on a Thursday afternoon. Indeed, there are some wonderful perks about being a student!

Happy June 21st!

Flashback to Elementary School

I skinned my knee at school today. Yes, really.

But I should make one thing clear. It was not the fault of my white Steve Madden wedges. Would I have tripped and fallen if I were wearing flats? Probably not. But I NEVER BLAME PRETTY SHOES.

So whose fault is it? It could be my fault. After all, instead of paying attention to where I was stepping as I generally try to do when wearing shoes with height, I was absorbed in the Search for the Car Keys in the Purse. (All women know about this.) While I was searching, the surface on the street suddenly changed from flat concrete to uneven brick. Of course, I wouldn't have been searching for my keys if I'd have found them before I started walking or for that matter, waited to find them after I finished walking. Or I could’ve actually put my keys in the (gasp!) key compartment in my purse in the first place.

Or, I could do the right thing and blame the UNEVEN BRICK. That damn brick tripped me.

It was NOT the shoes.

Precious Moments (of Technology)

If you’re like me, you can remember the day, even the moment you met at least one of your small, personal technological gadgets. You remember what you were doing, where you were, the starry-eyed swooning…

I remember the cold winter evening on which I braved the playground of N. Dallas holiday shoppers and met my beautiful, beautiful white macbook. I remember the bittersweet sendoff party given to me by my soon-to-be former employer at which I met my video iPod, a generous gift of appreciation from those who hired me seven years earlier. I remember each of the moments I met my Nikon Coolpix camera, my current NOKIA phone, and my SONY Handycam (a gift from my new employer – small companies do have their perks).

I also remember the moment I met my very first small, personal technological gadget. It was the weekend of both my birthday and my college graduation. My entire family had flown up to the City of Gloomy Skies, one Rochester, NY, to attend the ceremony for which I’d have just as soon skipped out and ran as fast as I could back to where the sun shines and people didn’t listen to Gustav Mahler for fun. I was relieved to be finished, terrified of the future and overcome with the pang of parting ways with each friend with whom I’d spent the last four grueling years.

My older, more savvy brother who was already working as a Technical Consultant for a Fortune 500 company brought me a graduation gift - a gift for the girl who just spent four years in The Bubble of Future Starving Artists. Yes, the ones who would be proud to move to Manhattan to live in a closet-sized, spartanly furnished studio apartment and eat pasta and tuna while gigging and auditioning for every open position in the world.

So I opened the gift. Which is when I met my 3 com Palm III. I looked at this thing in my palm. This strange, slim, charcoal gray thing. This thing over which my brother (who himself did not even own one yet) and my dad were drooling. I looked up suspiciously and said, “What the hell is this?”

Nine years later, as I sit among these friends of mine: my video iPod that is charging in the side of my beautiful, beautiful white macbook which holds hundreds of pics taken by my Nikon Coolpix and could very well hold clips taken by my SONY Handycam if I’d actually learn how to do it, I think back to that day and can only say, “Who was that girl? How did she - ”

Wait, do I hear my beloved NOKIA phone telling me I’ve gotten a photo text?

Unexpected

Sometimes someone says something so wonderful and nice to you that you cry. Because you believe it. And the tears aren't even embarassing.

To the Library

“Where is the library?”

This was the question from the clueless blonde (me) in class last Thursday upon receiving a list of research sources for our upcoming Media Plan Project.

Most research is done online now (first big change from my undergraduate days), but there are still some print periodicals and such that you can find at an actual book-filled library. And so, as I am still in eager pursuit of the drastic, new adventures in the World of Graduate School, I decided to start there.

Then: My undergrad “campus” was one building in the heart of downtown. I lived in the dorm across the street. The library and bookstore were across the street in the other direction. Basically, I spent my entire life within 2 blocks. I could get anywhere within 3 minutes. (Of course, when it was snowing and below freezing, it felt more like 10.)

Now: My grad campus is almost literally an entire city itself. Every time I go to campus, I take some sort of urban hike (longer if I park, shorter if I take the bus) to get to where I need to go. The main library, I discovered is on the other extreme side of campus from my parking garage and all the other buildings I’ve had to frequent. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mind walking and I’d rather schlep around in the heat than the cold, but it’s the time it takes that I can’t get over. 3 minutes? Try 30.

Then: I’ve written about the culture of performance majors at hard core music conservatories before. We used the library for the following reasons: to check out new musical scores to play around with, to check email, to find the friend we’d been looking for and hadn’t found after scouring all 5 floors of practice rooms, but most frequently to hide out in the listening room and listen to recordings (sometimes for a class, but more often for fun.)

Now: People go to the library to study. There were actually people besides Ph.D. students sitting at the tables and carrels! Thank God the people are generally nice here. After all, someone had to show me how to, you know, find a book. And how to use the copy machine.

Then: Staying too long at a university library-with all of the whispering, quiet concentration (HOW can people develop ideas this way?) and the stillness - made me feel mentally claustrophobic. At some point, I’d be completely consumed with one thought: I HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE!!

Now: Staying too long at a university library-with all of the whispering, quiet concentration (HOW can people develop ideas this way?) and the stillness - makes me feel mentally claustrophobic. At some point, I’m completely consumed with one thought: I HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE!! I mean for the love of Pete, there’s no teen fiction in this library!

At least one person for the police to interview if I turned up missing in my new city

I may have my first bona fide friend in Austin, TX. I mean, only a friend would call you just to see how things are going at the first-complete-week-of -school milestone, right? Or maybe he just really wants to come over and hang out at the nice pool at my apartment complex. But hey, I’ll take that too!

BeneFitness

There are lots of things that motivate me to get up before the crack of dawn 5 days a week so that I can spend 2 hours burning enough calories to justify last night’s dessert and put away my first 40 oz. of water for the day - like health, empowerment, clarity of mind, and feeling and looking good.

But today, I have found the motivating prize that has nothing to do with how my body feels. Behold the perfect gym: two stories of fitness friendly glory.
•Cardio machines as far as the eye can see – ellipticals, stairmills, treadmills, stationary bikes, recumbent bikes, rowing machines, stairmasters... not to mention the two NEW ones I’ve never tried (my heart was racing and my knees went weak from excitement), those being the woodway treadmill and the arc trainer.
•Cable machines, Smith machines and free weights that are actually returned to their correct place (thanks to the fitness staff who make better use of their time than flirting or soliciting unwanted business).
•Dozens of stability balls, bosu balls, resistance bands, etc., again all in their correct place in an entire section devoted to using such tools.
•Row upon row of strength training circuit machines, organized by body part.
•A spacious stretching area with PLENTY of mats.
•Disinfectant wipes stationed all around the gym.
•Large classrooms and an even larger variety of classes.
•Enough TVs to show major networks, news networks, ESPN, cable and a special channel that corresponds to the music and ads playing over the loud speakers.
•Above mentioned, extensively trained and screened staff members/trainers/nutritionists who are knowledgeable, friendly, always on the floor and who seemingly want nothing in return.
•Enormous floor-to-ceiling windows all around and my already favorite recumbent bike right next to the window that faces the parking lot, which is like another TV screen on an exciting day.
•Fully stocked, fully equipped locker rooms withTV lounging areas.

And those are just the basic amenities. There are also basketball and racquet ball courts, a rock climbing wall, an indoor pool, an outdoor pool and bistro, upscale private pilates and yoga studios. There is a salon and spa and a café which serves fresh, organic food and nutritious snacks and drinks. There is child care, field trips included. Membership advisors have their own little offices (not cubicles) and are not reeking of aggressive ploys to get you to sign up only to ignore you after you’re a member. I would mention the upscale natural stone floors and granite countertops, but since I sold that stuff for years and years, it doesn't impress me much. (But look at me mentioning it anyway)

And the price for a nationwide 24 hour membership? (and no it’s not the 24 hour Fitness chain) So. Reasonable.

Could it be that I’ve paid my dues in years of dealing with flaky trainers and commission driven, false promising sales staff for this? Of playing hunt and find for the free weights and putting up with limited options in disinfecting machines? Of thinking to myself every morning, "If I owned a gym, it would be like this..." (and this new gym is very similar to those thoughts)? Yes I know that heart wellness and disease prevention is what really matters. And of course, with just a pair of shoes and the earth God gave us, it is entirely possible to achieve such things without membership dues, gasoline and mileage. And yes, I am helping to make a man in Minnesota who had an entrepreneurial dream very wealthy. But I say GOOD FOR HIM. I say that there is nothing wrong with enjoying this kind of yuppie luxury right along with the health benefits of working out. I say that as a dedicated, longtime gym rat, I’ve earned it.

FIRSTDAYOFCLASS!! (last Thursday)

And y’all - The sky. Has not. Fallen down.

Nobody asked me what the hell I think I’m doing in graduate school. I found that I had thoughts to contribute in my media management class and nobody treated me like a dumb blonde. It turns out that people still take notes with pen and paper and not some sort of elaborate laptop software - so I’m still cool. Even though I haven’t taken any of my “leveling” courses yet, I didn’t feel like I was the littlest kid on the block, trying to keep up with the cooler, older kids. In fact, it seems that having worked those seven long years at a brand new, very small company where I was actually involved in real life media management (albeit on a very small scale) is paying off so far. Take that, you snooty "leveling" courses.

I like the class, I like the prof., and I really like the other students. In fact, the first person to whom I introduced myself is a totally cool high school basketball coach from DALLAS. And yes, he IS a Mavs fan. My first day of class was really fun!

So I rushed home and finished my homework the very same night!

HA HA HA! Did you believe me? Please. I haven’t changed that much.

Load Out T minus 1 day (and do you like how I throw around that event terminology -“load out”- without even thinking?)

How would you spend your last entire free day in the city you love? For my last “normal” day in Big D before moving to Austin, I’d planned to spend the afternoon running last minute moving errands around the city. I’d pictured driving along the familiar highways in the sunshine, listening to my ipod and soaking up Dallas flavor one more time.

Here’s what really happened:
I took my car in for a routine oil change and mentioned the small issue I’d been having with my starter. One hour later, I’d gotten an oil change, a new battery and the news that my starter needed replacing because it was draining the battery.

“But, but…” I stammered, “I have so much to do this afternoon.” Three minutes later, I was pulling out of the parking lot in a “loaner car” which was really one of the office guys’ personal BMW. (578th reason to wear short skirts and padded bras)

I’d just loaded up my car with 10 bags of material for recycling and one box for Goodwill when the rain started. After I was done at the outdoor recycling center, I was the soaking wet girl in the short skirt and padded bra trying to wipe down the interior of a random stranger’s luxury German car because I hadn’t been able to figure out how to open the trunk and had to stuff everything in the back seat. Upon arrival at Goodwill’s outdoor donation center, once again, I stepped out into the rain and asked the guy if he took old cell phones. His response? “Sure we do, you’re going to get totally wet!” YA THINK?

On the way to my last errand, as I cursed the pouring rain and bumper-to-bumper traffic, it took me twenty ipod-less minutes to realize that I was going East instead of West. I wasn’t actually surprised as this was only one of the many, many incidents resulting from my move-stress induced ditziness. After thirty more rainy, bumper-to-bumper, (and still ipod-less) minutes in the RIGHT direction, just as I reached the exit to my last stop ten minutes before they were going to close, I discovered the exit I needed to take was CLOSED.

So much for my halcyon daydream.

Oh, but there was one bright spot: At 4:50 just after the closed exit disaster, I realized that U-Haul was supposed to call me before 5 pm to confirm the next day’s truck pickup time and I still hadn’t heard from them. Just as I was mentally giving them the bird, my phone rang! And it was U-Haul! Yes, that’s right – my afternoon was made by the company with the big red and white trucks.

All Dallas. All Princess.

People have been asking and wondering how my “All Dallas. All Princess.” birthday/going away/back to school party was this year. Was it anything like the bacchanalia of last year? I must say that the answer is no. I did not dance for 5 hours straight, but I did dance enough to generate the usual comments and looks of disbelief. I didn’t wear a tiara… I alternated between two tiara adorned cowboy hats. The boutique VIP (this year’s host) did not end up wearing the gay man’s tube socks, but she did end up with two hot dates for next month’s Pat Benettar concert. The newspaper was not delivered before the last guest went home. That’s not to say, however, that it wasn’t a WHOLE LOT of rockstar fun.

A fly on the wall that night would have overheard the following:

From the host of the party: No, NO! Ya’ll can NOT do that outside!!! I have neighbors – WITH KIDS!

From the self-described “all things sports ignorant gay man” upon hearing the tail end of a conversation about Carrie Underwood’s recent canoodling with Tony Romo: Oooh, that place serves excellent ribs!!

Said to Yours Truly: What IS it with you and music and dancing?

Said to the expecting couple: What do you mean decide on the paint color of the baby’s room before it’s born? That’s so unfair to the baby, man. Why don’t you let the BABY decide?

I CAN’T BELIEVE YOUR EYES AREN’T TOTALLY RED BY NOW!!

Why are you just standing there staring at Dirk’s crotch?

To another year and new adventures!

All Dallas. All Princess.: Big Dallas Sports (and Big Dirk)

All Dallas. All Princess.: Big Dallas Shopping

All Dallas. All Princess.: The Big D

All Dallas. All Princess.: The Skyline Yours Truly CREATED HERSELF

Yes, I really did painstakingly envision, draw, cut and paste the whole thing by myself. Because I'm not crazy enough already.

All Dallas. All Princess.: Big Dallas Grooming (Got Lipstick?)

All Dallas. All Princess.: The princess part

The place to which vulnerability leads

Last week, I found out that a good friend of mine was viciously attacked last month as he was leaving one of his regular hangouts on what should have been an ordinary weeknight. When I say “good” friend, I mean “good” in every sense of the word. He is good at his work and he is a good athlete. He has a good attitude and personality. He leads every aspect of his life with genuine kindness. It seems that he was a victim of being vulnerable at the wrong place at the right time.

To imagine these people he’d never seen before physically attacking him makes my blood run cold. The fact that the cowardly bastards callously played with the life of MY FRIEND probably because of the color of his skin and his “pretty blond hair” (as catwoman so aptly described) makes me angry - the kind of angry that stays in the pit of your stomach for days.

But I was heartened to hear his usual upbeat voice on the phone, his sense of humor deliciously the same as ever. He still insisted on hearing the details of my life and my thoughts. All of this amidst still being at the mercy of the realities of his injuries. I’m sure that he’s angry too, but he’s not letting it destroy his goodness.

In the hours following, as I contemplated the cruel consequences of vulnerability, I considered something else he and I had discussed - not taking things in life for granted. Things like health. Like being blessed with opportunities and a future. Like being able to remember past experiences, even the painful ones. Like the people - those women and men who have positively affected our health, our pasts and our futures. Like my friend who could have been taken from my life in the blink of an eye. Any one of these people in my life could be taken away tomorrow. We are all vulnerable in this way. So I stopped thinking and started doing – started reaching out more to some of these people. And it made me feel good. Good and a little less angry.

Gem of the Day

This morning on The View, Barbara Walters brought in a Fiddler's Elbow towel that her daughter gave her for Mother's Day. Right beside the lovely art deco bride, it reads: Why Do I Have To Get Married? I Didn't Do Anything Wrong.

Why didn't I come up with that first?

Trading Down and Trading Up

I’ve been spoiled, living the last 6 years in my spacious 2-story apartment with an attached garage and curbside trash pick up.

Alas, my new digs will not have the luxuries of the garage or curbside pick up. Sigh. But it’s not bad. Same property owners (same tolerable management) and similar 2-story layout (albeit about a third smaller). There are even some improvements: it’s a brand new property and has a surprisingly spacious kitchen.

But maybe the best trade up is the color palette of the exterior. Not long after I moved into my current complex, management decided to give the exterior a fresh, new look. This new look turned out to be covering the massive group of 3 story buildings with a fresh shade of baby-shit brown. Did I mention that our buildings are built on the slant of a hill? Oh, how I've enjoyed coming home to what resembles a big pile of - well, you know. And ok, they did break it up with yellow (I’m pretty sure they thought it was cream) trim and black doors. Because of course they didn't want to include any colors which would fight with the BABY-SHIT BROWN.

So you can imagine my excitement to move to the new place which boasts a paint shade which I can only describe as green with an identity crisis - is it khaki green? army green? olive green? A mistake? (The fact that it is decidedly photo-shopped down to more of a neutral khaki in all of their promotional material makes me wonder.) So this whatever-the-hell-green is coupled with large sections of that hideous multi-colored river rock that Texans seem to love so much and topped off with cream trim and “Hey, let’s throw in just one more clashing color” kelly green window shutters and doors. That’s right, I consider it to be a trade UP.

That is how much I hate baby-shit brown.

One More for the Fire

I need to add to my list of gym enigmas: the smelly people.

Admittedly, none of us smell like roses at the gym – we are there to sweat after all. But if you notice that the people on the machines around you are suddenly stopping their workout, burying their noses in their towels and moving across the room, maybe you should change your socks, take a shower, and wear deodorant. And for the LOVE OF PETE, SMELL YOURSELF!!!

I think I heard my skin crawling this morning

Why is it that in those first moments of early morning wake, my ideas are never quite as brilliant and fresh as I think they are at the time? It is usually during my workout an hour or so later, when the glaring stupidity of those very ideas comes into focus, suddenly making me cringe and wonder what the hell I was thinking.

A couple of weeks ago for example, I came up with a totally kick-ass theme for my birthday party and had worked out a plethora of ideas for the décor and the invitation…all before getting out of bed. Needless to say, that particular theme (and the cockamamie ideas that went with it) was immediately nixed on the elliptical trainer later that morning.

This morning? I switched on the radio when I first woke up and the first thing I heard was the news of Paris Hilton’s imminent prison term starting on June 5th. June 5th? I perked up as this is a date I’ve been thinking of a lot recently - it being none other than THE FIRST DAY OF CLASS. And then I hear that Paris will be in there for 45 days. 45 days? That’s about 6 weeks…which is the length of the first summer term.

OMG, I thought in a moment of girls-subjected-to-captivity solidarity, if Paris can get through it, SO CAN I!

Then at the gym: Wait a minute. Solidarity? With Paris Hil-

Which is when the skin began its crawl.

WHO HAS HEART???

ROWDY.

PROUD.

LOUD!!

Shame, shame, shame on the fans who lost heart and left early last night.

Mistlav Rostropovich

A pillar of the classical music scene, this talented and legendary cellist died last week. I was saddened to hear of his death, but also distinctly inspired by his fierce dedication to defending artistic freedom – a concept that I have often taken for granted. This is a man who was exiled from his country, where the expression of art and music was tightly controlled by the Soviet rule, because he dared to stand up for principles about which I’ve never had to worry.

I’ve been known to say a few disparaging remarks about the elitism and single-mindedness that exists in the classical music scene, but I also recognize that I chose to be a part of it and having that choice was a blessing. As a teenager, I found my voice and my dreams in the artistic community – one that encourages individualism and uninhibited expression. I learned the courage to form and trust my own ideas, I learned how to find joy in hard work and competition and I learned the heartache of rejection in an environment that felt familiar and right to me at the time.

And when I discovered that my personality and desires were no longer in synch with the opportunities available to me in that particular scene, I had the freedom to leave. True, one reason I left was because I felt stifled – but I felt stifled by the culture of the industry and the attitudes and expectations held by many (not all) of the people in that culture. Not because I didn’t have the freedom to pursue my aspirations where I wanted and how I wanted. Not because I couldn’t explore the works and subject matter I wanted without restriction. Not because I or any of my peers was creatively confined in anyway. I chose to leave for the exact same reasons that I chose to be in it: for my own edification and a desire to be true to myself.

In the words of Mistlav Rostropovich himself from a speech given on May 26, 1992:

But what is freedom? A lot of people have asked this and often with the intention of destroying it. I shall tell you what it is, it is something that the birds possess. A bird may land on whatever branch of whatever tree without permission or passport. No-one will tell it that that tree is not his and that he can only sing in another tree. Liberty consists of each person finding his own place among the people and doing good.