But at least they'll say "please"

Mom: We’re going to California next month - I have to spend as much time with the grandkids as possible right now while they’ll still talk to me.

Me: You mean until they find out that after midnight, you turn into a hairy, purple, 7-headed toy-eating machine?

Mom: No, I mean pretty soon, they’ll just text. My own grandson will TEXT his brother to pass the corn, please. And then his sister will text a, May I please be excused?, to her mother

Me: Well, I don’t think-

Mom: HAVE YOU WATCHED THE NEWS RECENTLY? KIDS – THEY TEXT INSTEAD OF TALK.

Me: Yeah, but –

Mom (sadly): Oh it’s ok. I’m used to competing with electronics. I mean remember how YOU learned how to bake a crack-free cheesecake?

Me: I googled it?

Mom: Yes, the internet - your surrogate e-mama.

And yes, that is a direct quote. She actually said “surrogate e-mama.”