I drew a pretty sweet Pegasus too

Over the past few months, I’ve shown my portfolio to at least 30 advertising creatives from more than15 agencies across 3 different cities. So you’d think that by now, I’d feel a little more comfortable carrying around my black leather portfolio case. That it might even feel as natural as carrying around my violin case still feels. Even though I haven’t actually, you know, OPENED my violin case in about six (nine? twelve? twenty?) months, I can still strap it around my shoulder and wear it as confidently as a push-up bra. I feel justified in holding a 7-pound, 31-inch, extremely conspicuous oblong case around my shoulder. Because hell yeah, I can play a four-octave arpeggio in any key you want and I know exactly where to put my bow on the string for a perfect up-bow staccato.

Yet, when I’m carrying a 3-pound, 10” x 13” portfolio case that I can discreetly hold under my arm, I feel totally self-conscious. Even though, if held the right way, it could absolutely pass for just a slightly large day planner. No one in a cramped elevator would even notice the thing if I’d just stand calmly and silently stare ahead. And that’s what I try to do. So that no one can see that my heart is pounding, my cheeks are flushing and my brain is screaming, Can they tell? Do they KNOW that the extent of my Creative Suite knowledge goes just slightly further than knowing where the selection tool is?

Sure, the work in the portfolio case is mine, but I wrote the words. In WORD DOCUMENTS and messy pencil scribbles in a $3 notebook. I feel like a big ol’ Word Doc -usin’ POSER. And one day, I just know that one of those people in the elevator is going to look at me, smile and say, "Hi." And in response, I will of course blurt out, I KNOW HOW TO USE THE CLONE TOOL IN PHOTOSHOP. AND I USED TO DRAW UNICORNS FOR MY FRIENDS AT SCHOOL!

And then I will look around and hope to God that I’m standing naked in front of my entire junior high school. *



*Actually, I never did have this recurring nightmare. But it would’ve been just plain confusing to write “running away from a badminton shuttlecock that had come alive and whose only aspiration was to creep out little future copywriters with its exceeding ugliness.”

You may remember me from such places as Event Management Company X

Last week was my first week as a part-time, long-term temp. The job has little to do with copywriting, but it’s a pretty sweet temp gig and I think I’ve made a brilliant first impression. Yup, I’m pretty sure that I impressed the hell out of the marketing communications manager on my fourth day when I was trying to save an event schedule I'd just created in Microsoft Office and I leaned over and had the following exchange with her.

Me: “Hey, I was just, um."

My eyes dart around to see if the director of marketing is still sitting at her desk, ten feet away and within earshot. (She is.)

Me: "Just wondering how I can, uh…"

MC manager is looking at me expectantly.

Me: "Well, you know..."

I lower my voice and lean in closer.

MC manager leans across the desk.

Me (whispering): "How do I...”

Her (whispering): "How do you what?"

Me: "'Save As...'?"


This after a week of trying to navigate my way around an exotic, black laptop that didn’t have a picture of an apple anywhere on it. Apparently, I’ve missed an entire generation of Windows since I last used a PC. And what with trying to remember to close documents on the right instead of the left and to use the scroll bar instead of the two-finger touchpad scroll, it’s a miracle that I didn’t ask her what the hell that crazy extra button at the bottom right corner of the touchpad was. Or maybe it’s a miracle that she didn’t ask me if perhaps I’d feel more comfortable carving the document onto a rock.

Ah but yes, how I have missed being Stupid New Girl. (Hello there, She of the Cool Hats!)