Digital Camera Saga at a Small Company

Me: Our digital camera isn't working.

Controller: The lens is broken. Who broke it?

Me: I'm not sure. Somebody probably dropped it.

Controller: Who dropped it?

Me: I don't know. Can we get it repaired?

Controller: That will cost more than a new camera. Who was the last one to use it?

Me: (inwardly sighing) I really don't know. But I need to take some pictures to send to a client...

Controller: Somebody here broke it. So now, we have no digital camera to use.

Me: (inwardly screaming) Well, I guess I'll wait for one of the other reps to show up and use her camera to send these pictures.

Controller: ok. (hands the broken, useless camera back)

AAAAARRRRGH!!!!!

Shout out to the sexiest girl in Palo Alto

You rock! Thank ALL that is holy that we will never think it's sexy to wear a thong and shake cellulite (aka what she thinks is her hot little ass) in front of everyone at the pool even if the music is mixed by Julio the Wonder Boy Who Dates Supermodels.

The old school Madonna house mix almost made up for freaky cracker DJ, standing in line for 15 minutes for 2 drink orders (and who knows how much longer without the so totally-un-PC- that-I-can't-write-it on-this-blog, new "friend" of yours), drunk gropers, friggin' 70 degree no shorts weather, and the worst.... dearth of hip-hop clubbing (Why is it SO difficult to find??)

Love your kitties (certain aromas are forgotten) and that shy guy!

Coming soon: you and me, the beach and pina coladas!

A Dallasite in Phoenix

My thought process as I stepped off the plane for my layover in Phoenix yesterday:

Phoenix...booooooo. If only I had a Mavs shirt or hat...

Wait a minute. I'm at an airport. Most of these people aren't even from Phoenix and probably don't give a flyin' flip.

Cool, I'm in Phoenix! Must go immediately to the gift shop to get some Cactus candy. Mmmmmm... Yea, Phoenix!

Bikini Blunders???

My latest fashion challenge:

This weekend, I will be at a big MTV style pool party in the San Francisco area. But wait....what shoes do I wear? And jewelry? And..handbag? Do you bring a handbag or a beach bag? How is it that I know exactly how to dress to go out to a club, to a cocktail party, to a wedding, etc., but I am clueless about how to dress for a "pool party?" Apparently, pool parties have changed since the days when you showed up at your b/f/f's backyard pool with a towel and a noodle...

Signs You are Having the Best Birthday Party Ever

• It lasts for 8 hours.
• You dance for 5 hours straight, during which the following occurs:

1. Someone gets the idea to go knocking on neighbors' doors to sell tickets to watch you (if you are a girl) and your friend (another girl) dance together ("do you know how many straight men would PAY to see this??")

2. You get cash tucked in your pants when you stand up on a ledge to dance

3. 3 hours into it, your hair's fallen flat and your make up is melted, but you are still going and telling everyone you're "dancing for (fill in charity of choice)"

• The owner of the house keeps coming in, turning the music down and telling you that you're going to "blow the speaker system." (You ignore him and keep turning it up as soon as he leaves)
• You are wearing a tiara from Libby Lu's (shop for little girls who dream of being a princess) all night long and you find out that the teenager down the street who is having her birthday party is wearing a tiara too.
• The theme and decorations revolve around disco balls of all sizes and all the guests are wearing mini disco balls around their necks and, naturally, making appropriately inappropriate jokes.
• One of the biggest lightweights at the party keeps refilling his drink, takes 3 hits, and wants to look through all the drawers in the house.
• By the end of the party, a VIP of a certain clothing boutique that is very close to this blogger's heart is wearing a gay man's pair of white tube socks with her denim capris.
• The next morning, the married girl can't remember flashing her hoo hoos.
• The word of the night somehow becomes "po po ZOW" (sorry K-Fed, I'm not really sure how to spell that)
• The paper boy delivers the paper before the last guest leaves.

And one last sign... People are still talking and laughing about it 5 days later.

Happy Birthday to me!!

No, I do not want to share a dessert

bebe Me loves some dessert. I know, it's an accepted practice (especially among women) to be out with someone and suggest sharing a dessert from the menu. I've spent my life trying to figure out a delicate way to say, "hell, no!" and how to determine how well I have to know someone to say it. Even if I've just barely met you, you can share my entree, my salad, my appetizer and please share my drink, but leave this girl's dessert alone. I mean, you really don't want to mess with anything that makes a girl's eyes roll back and makes her say, oooooh... do you?